It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just had sex on a roof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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