I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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