Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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