When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
