He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i already hear my dad disowning me
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
