i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
