you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
