Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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