Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
