im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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