apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
