your thong is hanging out like whoa
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
