If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You're breaking my sexual little heart
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
