If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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