he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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