theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
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can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
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and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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