jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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