Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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