You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
