Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
