Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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