So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
