Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
