My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
