I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
