It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
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HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
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I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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