just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
