I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
