my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
