He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
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