There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
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