if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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