omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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