omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
