Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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