Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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