He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
