i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I intend to get homeless drunk
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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