literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
