I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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