i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
