So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
