im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Randomize
