Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
