I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
