my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
