Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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