Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize