i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
