the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
