Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
