i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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