3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
