its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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