highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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