This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
They have beer where we have blood.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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