I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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