garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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