k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
this just has baby written all over it
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
