Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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