I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
