I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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