How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I looked at my own cervix.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
