i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
