this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
