my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
