just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
