I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
