Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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