it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
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