Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
