STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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