I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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