She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
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