i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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